Choices
by Isabel0329
Summary: As Bella's transformation approaches, both her and Edward must work through their nerves. Preparation, goodbyes, transformation and first hunt.
1. A Nervous Reunion

Note: Goddess divine Stephenie Meyer owns everything. I just borrow the characters. If I owned them, I'd never let Edward come out and play.

**Choices**

**Chapter 1: A Nervous Reunion**

I had made my choice months ago. It was what I wanted. What I needed. Above all else.

To be with Edward for all eternity. To never be parted from his side. To be his equal in every way. For him to be able to hold me and touch me in ways he never could while I was still a fragile, breakable human.

And yet every time I thought about my upcoming "renovations" as I had once termed them, my heart sped up and my palms started to sweat. It mostly happened in the car because it was one of the few situations when Edward wouldn't pry into my thoughts. But of course, he noticed. My traitorous body gave me away every time. Edward would turn his head and give me a sideways glance that only I would see, and I would mutter something about his "insane driving" instead of saying my real reason.

"Bella, love?" he asked tonight.

Gulp.

"I'm okay. Just nervous to see everybody," I lied.

He sighed. He knew I was lying. I was terrible at lying.

So here we were, driving back to his house, _our _house, after our week-long honeymoon. The wedding had been lovely, even if the idea of it was slightly torturous for me for months beforehand. For someone who had practically refused marriage, I had loved every second of it. Alice has truly done a wondrous job with it and I had openly admitted to her so.

After the ceremony, Edward had whisked me away on our honeymoon without telling me our destination. We had spent a week in Chicago, his hometown. He had reserved the honeymoon suite at the most expensive hotel in town even though I had extracted a promise from him not to spend massive amounts of money on me. All my protests had been wiped away, though, when I had seen our suite. Flowers everywhere. Silk sheets that were almost as smooth as Edward's marble skin. A view to rival any on the planet.

We had toured the city, stopping at all the appropriate sites. With Alice's help we'd managed to avoid the sunny moments and had ducked into various museums and indoor destinations. Edward was an expert at explaining history to me in a way I could understand it, mostly thanks to the fact that most of what he explained he'd been around for or had seen through Carlisle's memories.

But our stunning honeymoon, much like my life soon would, came to an end. I grudgingly repacked the bags Alice had so carefully packed and we made our way back to Forks.

So here I was now, arriving back at the house where my life had really begun (I considered that to be when I met Edward) and where it would end. Well, my human life at least.

Edward parked the car and before I could even unbuckle my seatbelt, he was already opening the door and helping me out of the car. I moved gingerly; I was still a little sore from all of our _unvirtuous_ acts on our honeymoon and I blushed at the memories. I'm sure Edward could tell right away what I was thinking because he pulled me in for a deep kiss, wrapping his stone arms around me in the process.

His icy tongue ran along my upper lip, gently asking for permission even though I never denied him. It tangled with my own in my mouth and the taste of him saturated my brain. He had compared my blood to a fine spirit before, but his own taste was out of this world. There were simply no words to describe it. The best I ever came close to was "divine."

I arched my back into him and wanted him to take me right there, in plain site of his family that I'm sure were watching. I didn't care. I lost all sense of propriety when he kissed me like this. Like the time in the museum in Chicago. Or on the plane back home. Or in the bathroom at the airport.

My breathing became ragged all too quickly and Edward moved from my lips to kiss my jaw, slowly drawing his lips down my neck to my collarbone. It was his favorite place on me to kiss, after my lips of course.

"Ewwwww, you two. Get a room!" I heard Emmett's booming voice calling from the porch. Immediately I felt my cheeks turn a deep crimson and buried my face in Edward's chest, though the even closer proximity did little to cool my burning cheeks.

A growl rose in Edward's chest and I felt it ripple through his lungs and upward. It tickled my face and made me giggle.

"Like I haven't had to deal with listening to his lewd thoughts about Rosalie for decades," he said.

Emmett only roared in laughter at this comment. I couldn't help but join in and raised my hand to my mouth to stifle my own laughter.

Another low growl came from Edward.

"What's he thinking?" I whispered even though I knew the whole family probably heard me.

"He's congratulating me for finally 'growing a pair and being a man'," he whispered in my ear so that only I could hear. His cool breath on my neck sent shivers of delight down my body.

"Typical Emmett," I laughed.

"Savage," Edward hissed.

"Oh, hush, Mr. Cullen. You know you liked it," I swatted his chest playfully, trying to remember that while I could hurt myself, he couldn't.

"If I remember correctly, you seemed to enjoy yourself as well, Mrs. Cullen. Rather loudly, I might add," his voice was low and husky against my neck. Immediately, my legs felt like jelly and I wasn't sure I'd make it two more steps, much less into the house.

_Oh, god. I love when he talks like that, _I thought.

"Are you coming in or am I going to have to come out there and get you in myself?" I heard Alice's excited voice even though my lust-filled haze.

Not two seconds after she said that, she was right in front of me. Alice pulled me from Edward's strong arms and wrapped her own tiny arms around me, forgetting that I was still breakable.

"Uh, Alice …. can't …. breathe."

She immediately pulled away, and I knew if she could blush she's be red. She was always forgetting my condition in her fits of enthusiasm.

"Just think, Bella! In four days I can hug you as tightly as I want!" she was brimming with excitement and practically bouncing.

Without even having to look, I knew Edward had stiffened at the mention of my upcoming transformation. My own body stopped for just a second and I felt my pulse quicken. I pushed it off as quickly as it had come. _Remember, you want this_, I thought.

She pulled me into the house, with Edward quick on our heels. Everybody took their turns giving me hugs as tightly as they dared, with the exception of Jasper. I wasn't offended. He still kept a safe distance between us for both our sakes. That was something I certainly wouldn't miss: the always present uncomfortable moments.

Before I could catch my breath from the reunion, Alice was tugging at my arm.

"Bella! You have to tell me everything!" she gushed.

I turned around at looked at Edward, pleading him to save me with my eyes.

He laughed. "Go ahead. I have to talk to Carlisle about, uh, tomorrow." For a split second, I detected a note of sadness in his voice, but it was quickly washed away when he gave me my favorite crooked smile.

Edward had been hesitant to use the word "transformation" or "change" for awhile. He'd instead taken to calling it "the day" or "the time." I knew he'd accepted it as the only way we could be together forever, but also that it still made him upset, probably more than he let on.

"Come on, Bella!" Alice sighed, pulling me upstairs to her and Jasper's room.

Once safely inside, she threw us on the bed. I sat up and crossed my legs beneath me. She laid on her stomach with her chin in her hands.

"So? How was it?" her eyes were wide with curiosity.

"Well, Chicago was nice. Big. Really tall buildings. The hotel was really nice. You would have liked it, Alice. A lot of shopping!" I said.

"No, Bella! How was _it_?" she winked.

I immediately understood what she was asking and blushed even deeper than I had earlier.

"Alice! I'm not telling you that!"

"What? It's only natural that I'd be curious."

"I figured you'd know, what with the visions and all."

"I was expressly forbidden to look for that vision. Only that you made it out okay," she waved me off. "And really, I'm not sure I would have wanted to see my brother like _that_."

She scrunched her nose up in disgust.

I laughed at her face. Even with the wrinkly nose, she was still the most beautiful pixie I could ever imagine. It just made her more adorable.

"So are you nervous about tomorrow?" her tone was suddenly serious.

I froze. I didn't know what to say.

"It's okay. Everything will turn out well. I know," she tapped the side of her head then patted my hand to comfort me.

"I know. It's just … yeah, I'm nervous," I admitted.

"About what specifically?" she inquired.

"The pain mostly. For as many injuries as I've had over the years, I've never been one to rush into something painful. All those times have been accidents. But mostly, I'm nervous for Edward. I can deal with my suffering; I don't think I can deal with him suffering with me," I sighed.

"Oh, Bella," she crooned.

"I mean, it's the only way for us to really be together. I know that. But he's so hard on himself. I know he's going to blame himself for anything that goes wrong, big or small. He's always been so hesitant to agree to this. I don't want him to feel like I'm pressuring him into this."

"He doesn't. He wants this just as much as you do. He's just as scared as you are, though. You know he doesn't like seeing you in pain. For gosh sakes! He refuses to let you open your own mail anymore just in case you slice your finger. I can be there with you, if you want," Alice said comfortingly.

I shook my head. "Absolutely not. It's going to be tough enough for Edward. I don't want anybody else to suffer with him."

"Well, we'll certainly hear you well enough to make up for it."

"No, you won't."

"What do you mean?" Alice looked confused.

"I'm not going to scream. I've promised myself that. I won't let Edward hear me scream in pain. It would kill him," I stated firmly.

"Bella, it's not going to do you any good to hold it in," her voice was low, resigned almost.

"We'll see, Alice."

A light knock sounded at the door and I immediately knew who it was without getting up. Sometimes I felt like the prophetic one.

I rushed to the door, swung it open and found Edward leaning against the door frame with one arm up in the air.

He smiled and I just about melted right there. I wrapped my arms around his waist and let myself be pulled into his chest. He set his chin on my head, taking in the scent of my hair.

"I missed you," he whispered.

"I missed you too," I returned.

"Have a nice talk with Alice?" he asked.

"Of course she did!" Alice chimed from behind us.

I giggled. "Yes. Have a nice talk with Carlisle?"

"Yes. Just working out the details." He paused and pulled back from me. He took his hands and cupped both of my cheeks. His eyes, darkened from a week without hunting, pierced right into me. Moments like this made me think he really could read my mind.

"Are you sure you want this?" he asked.

My breath hitched in my throat. "Of course I do. You don't have to keep asking that. I'm just a little nervous, that's all."

His face was serious, and I could tell he was having an internal battle. He pulled me into a deep hug again and sighed into the crook of my neck where he'd nestled his face. After a moment, he pulled away. In barely a heartbeat, he had whisked me up in his arms and carried me down the hall and into our room, bridal style.

Once we were back in our room, he set me on the golden comforter of the bed. He fidgeted around the room, adjusting things here and there. He played with the stereo and stuck several CDs into it, promptly removing them as if he was trying to find the right music. Edward finally settled on something soft, classical piano, and came over to the bed again.

He settled in against me. My back was to his chest and he wrapped his arm around my waist in the indentation that seemed to fit him perfectly. There was no doubt that my body was made to fit his and vice versa. Two interlocking puzzle pieces that connected in all the right ways.

We stayed like that for awhile, probably longer than I realized. It was so comforting to be with him and be silent. Even though I'm sure it drove him crazy not hearing my thoughts, sometimes it felt like we didn't need to speak at all.

I fought against my heavy eyelids, not wanting the day to end. Today had been perfect and tomorrow would bring that perfection to an end. _Three days. It's just three days,_ I thought. _Then you can be with Edward for eternity._ _And pesky sleep won't ever have to get in the way._

As much as I tried to stifle it, a yawn escaped my lips.

"Bella, love. As much as I would like this moment to never end, you really need to sleep. It's been a long day. Tomorrow's going to be … tough for all of us," Edward whispered in my ear. There was that note of sadness again.

Edward extricated himself from my arms, much to my discontent. His eyes locked with my now sleepy ones. He pulled me vertical on the edge of the giant bed, stretching my arms upward. My heart rate sped up from the touch of his cool fingers despite my ever increasing weariness.

He slowly pulled my shirt off, then slid his hands down my arms. For as cold as they were, his fingers were leaving a trail of fire in their wake. The trailed down the sides of my torso, as delicately as butterfly wings. I was starting to breath quicker, more rugged breathes. I was having trouble forming thoughts, much less words.

_Please keep going. Oh, god. Keep going._

His fingers tortured me all the way to the button on my jeans. The zipper was down in a blink and he carefully tugged them down. I lifted my hips slightly to help ease them off. He never once broke eye contact with me despite my now heaving chest. The jeans pooled on the floor beneath me.

Edward took a minute to look me over, head to toe. The first few times he'd seen me without clothes on I'd been embarrassed beyond words; now it just made my senses go into overdrive.

"You are the most gorgeous creature on this planet," he breathed huskily. "In this universe."

My eyes practically rolled to the back of my head. This was torture. I needed him, wanted him.

A chill crept through me, despite my seemingly increasing body temperature. I shivered.

Edward chuckled at the sight. "Well, we certainly can't let you sleep like that. You'll freeze to death before I have a chance to warm you."

My eyes shot open.

"What would you have me wear then?" I asked, suddenly wide awake. I tried to sound as seductive as I possibly could through my groggy state.

Edward pulled his face in tight to my neck, breathing his icy breath into the space right below my neck. It sent another shiver through me, but this time it wasn't from the cold.

"Truthfully, I'd have you wear nothing at all," lust covered each word he spoke. "But I'm not sure I could control myself seeing you like that all night. Naked. In our bed."

My eyes began to roll back again. His voice alone was dazzling me.

_Oh god. Please._

"But you really should get your sleep," he quickly said. My eyes came open again to see him unbuttoning his shirt.

"I like it best when you sleep in this. Even with all the lovely lingerie that Alice packed for you, I still think you look best in just my shirt."

He slipped the shirt off and I couldn't help but stare at the perfection that was his gorgeous chest. Every muscle was defined. Every plane was smooth. I thought I would go over the edge just staring at him like that.

Edward lifted my arms up and deftly slid his shirt over them. He rebuttoned it, pausing at each button to place a kiss on my lips before continuing to the next. When he was finally done with the buttons, he gently pulled my legs up onto the bed and pushed me down. Edward tucked the sheet in around my body before he was swiftly on the other side, sliding under the sheet next to me.

I nestled into his chest, and he settled his face into my hair.

I could feel the slow creep of unconsciousness pulling me under, but I wanted to get one more thing out before I let it consume me.

"Edward?" I whispered.

"Yes, love?"

"I'm ready. I really am. I'm just a little bit nervous."

He sighed. "I am too, love. I am too." I heard resignation in his voice, barely detectable to anybody else, but I knew him better.

Okay, two more things.

"Edward?"

"Mmmmm?' he mumbled with his face pressed deep into my hair.

"I love you."

"I love you too, Isabella Cullen."

He began to hum my lullaby and I knew I didn't have much of a chance of lasting any longer. The blackness of sleep washed over me, overwhelming me.

* * *

**A/N: This is the first fanfic I've written in awhile. Please review and let me know what you think, good or bad. And also let me know if you want me to continue. I'm willing to do so, if people want me to. **


	2. Angel from Heaven

Note: Goddess divine Stephenie Meyer owns everything. I just borrow the characters. If I owned them, I'd never let Edward come out and play.

**Choices**

**Chapter 2: Angel from Heaven**

**EPOV **

Bella quickly fell asleep in my arms, right where I loved for her to be. Her breathing deepened, a sign of her unconsciousness. I pulled my arms tighter around her and I felt her pulse quicken. Even asleep her body responded to me. She was truly my Bella.

My Bella. _My _Bella. Oh, how I loved the way that sounded. The two little words, now inextricably linked, swirled around in my head and created the most wonderful sensations.

She was mine. She had bound herself to me in every humanly way possible. She had married me, despite having been raised to hate the institution. She now proudly wore my mother's ring on the fourth finger of her left hand right next to a matching gold wedding band.

Carefully as not to wake her, I held up her tiny hand and watched the diamonds glint in the moonlight that was pouring in through the glass wall. Each facet that caught in the light reminded me of another gorgeous facet of her that I loved.

Her creamy pale skin. Her chocolate brown eyes. Her hair silken between my fingers. The blushes that found their way to her cheeks for no particular reason sometimes. The rhythm of her heartbeat. The way I could feel her pulse quicken even under the lightest of my touches. Her warmth that burned me up and made me feel alive, even if for a second.

But those were human things. Things that would abruptly disappear as of tomorrow.

There were other things about her that I loved to. Things that weren't merely physical.

How she cared for everybody else's wellbeing above her own, even if it was dangerous to do so. Her compassion for other's suffering. Her sense of humor. Her ability to make me do things I would never have considered before her whirlwind appearance in my life. How she trusted me completely with her life, her soul. Even if I didn't trust myself, she did.

There were so many more things. If I had eternity, I still think it wouldn't be long enough to list all the things I loved about her, human or not.

I would have eternity though. After tomorrow, Bella and I would have eternity together.

I hated myself for how much I was looking forward to tomorrow. The monster in me wanted her blood; the man in me wanted her body.

I'd had just enough of a taste, back in Chicago, to know that once Bella was more durable, there was little hope we'd ever leave this bedroom. There were so many things I wanted to do with her in here, so many things I wanted to do _to_ her. A cheshire cat's grin floods face just thinking about _those_ things.

Oh, how many nights I've watched her sleep, tossing and turning while moaning my name, only to wish that she could withstand my true strength. To think of all those nights I inflicted upon poor Jasper with my pent up frustration. Sure, Alice had enjoyed it, but I had been the one to have to hear it and know I had to wait.

To run my hands up those legs of hers, smooth and silky. To play with her perfect breasts that fit in my hand so well. To throw her down and ravage her on horizontal surface; hell, any _vertical_ surface would do.

I wanted to watch her throw her head back and moan my name louder than any sound imaginable. For her to drown out the constant buzz of voices in my head with her heady cries. To watch her passion rise with each movement of mine.

Oh, god, how I wanted that.

It felt so wrong though. Here she was: an angel that fell out of the sky. Perfection encapsulated in one woman. My own personal goddess. Everything I had ever wished for and everything I had never even known I needed.

Changing her into what I was made me sick. I was a monster sent straight from hell; she was an angel sent from heaven. I was drawing the goodness out of her and replacing it with evil. My evil.

To think she would endure an eternity of darkness because of me caused me physical pain. I was going against nature by plucking this siren from the sea. I would be drinking more than her blood tomorrow; I would be drinking from her very soul.

She'd said on more than one occasion that her soul belonged to me. What a thing to give so willingly. If she only knew how I really felt. That my soul was long gone, but with this act we would now be sharing a soul. Her soul.

I felt I wasn't worthy of this. Of her gift. I still couldn't fathom why she loved me as much as she did. After all, I was a monster. I killed others to maintain myself, animal or otherwise. I was killing her after all.

But she refused to hear it. She would place her tiny hands over my cheeks and look me in my golden eyes with her chocolate ones. She'd insist that I wasn't a monster and I couldn't help my nature. And that she didn't care. It didn't matter. It was her love that kept the monster at bay. Two halves of me: the man and the monster. She'd tamed the monster and fostered the man. More than I would have ever imagined. More than I had ever dreamed.

I was so nervous about tomorrow, so scared. Once false move, one slip, and she'd be gone from me forever. If I drank too deep, moved too fast or let the monster take over even the slightest bit, all hope would be lost. As quickly as if snuffing out a candle, her light would be extinguished from my dark existence.

I'd compared her to a meteor before, and I wasn't lying. Before her, my life had been one never-ending night. Pitch black, save for a few dim flashes. Those had been my family coming into my life, but Bella's light was incomparable. And the wondrous thing was every moment I was with her, the light would only get brighter. Every second I was connected to her, I felt lighter and more buoyant. Esme noticed the most, commenting on it ever so often.

To think there was even a remote chance that I would lose that light, that goodness, scared me more than any single thing ever had in almost a century. I had faced evil blacker than any human could remotely imagine and yet the thought of losing Bella from my life far eclipsed anything else. I'd told her I'd gone to Volterra because I couldn't bear to be without her. What she didn't know was that if anything went wrong, I'd be going back. A world without Bella wasn't worth living in, and I would do anything to be removed from it.

I just prayed, hoped with all my undead heart, that nothing would go wrong. Because if I would actually have to resort to that drastic plan, I feared what waited for me on the other side. Yes, I had committed sins beyond belief, but my greatest sin would be extinguishing Bella's goodness from the world. There was no remittance for a sin as great as that. I would indeed pay for all eternity if it came to that.

Bella sighed in my arms and shifted so I could see her glorious face now. A strand of her silky hair fell down over her eyes, and I reach my icy fingers up to brush it away. Safely tucking it behind her ear, I left my fingers trail down her warm cheek. She must have sensed I was there because she smiled and I felt her pulse quicken ever so slightly.

"Edward," it came so low I almost missed it, even with my ultra sensitive hearing. The glorious sound of Bella breathing my name in her sleep. This was one of the things I would miss most after her transformation. I loved to hear her speak my name when she slept. It ranged from breathy, passionate tones (oh, god, I loved those beyond words) to innocent and sweet nothings. Each way, each version, was immeasurably better than the next.

Her pulse slowed and she fell even deeper asleep if possible.

Carlisle had tried to alleviate some of fears about tomorrow. He had told me the proper way to bite her so that it would hasten the change and hopefully reduce her suffering. Once over the heart, once in the neck and each wrist. If I still had control at that point I could do the ankles too, but that wasn't entirely necessary. She'd have morphine, and that would also hopefully reduce the pain, though I doubted it would work much. The pain of transformation couldn't be overridden by simple narcotics. It cut deeper, surged stronger.

He had promised me everything would go well. That Alice had seen the outcome. Bella would become one of us, another creature to fill the ranks of the undead.

I was still nervous. Still scared.

I was scared that when she woke up she wouldn't want me anymore, though Alice assured me that she still would. Carlisle had said that love as strong as ours could endure through even the worst pain and I had nothing to worry about. Still, my fear persisted. It clung to me, refusing to be banished. To be rejected by Bella after pouring myself out to her would be agonizing. I wasn't sure I could continue to be if that happened.

Worst yet, I feared she would hate me for what I had done to her. Maybe not immediately, but eventually. 10 years, 50 years, 100 years. By changing her to be like me, I would be taking her chance at ever having a normal life. Having children. Grandchildren. Oh, how I wished I could see her big with my child in her belly. To shine with the glow of pregnancy. But even if she were to stay human that would never happen. Vampires don't reproduce.

For a second, I let myself be carried away with the thought and pictured what our child would look like. Bella's graceful cheekbones, my firm jaw line, her sparkling eyes. It would invariably have my bronze hair, but it would shine like Bella's.

No, I couldn't think these things. I shook then from my head. They were too dangerous. To want something one cannot have under any circumstance was too much. It was inflicting untold torture on oneself that was unnecessary.

Oh, god. Our child would be beautiful, even by vampire standards.

No, Edward. It could never be.

Bella shifted, her pulse quickened and her breathing became shallower. From all the nights I had spent with her while she slept, I knew this was when she would begin to talk. I braced myself for what would come out, for I was never quite sure what it would be.

"No! Edward, no!" she cried.

I froze, and I'm sure if my heart was beating it would have stopped. Blood that no longer ran through my veins would stand still from the sound of her voice. Oh, god. She sounded pained. Was she dreaming about tomorrow? The insufferable pain and raging fire that would consume her body.

"Don't go, Edward! I want you to stay!" she muttered, her voice lowered. It was still pained slightly, but there was always that hint of the love she held for me.

_Bella, as if I would ever leave you. As if I could leave you now,_ I thought.

I had left before and this had done more damage to either of us than I had ever intended. I knew I would suffer, but how deep I had suffered was beyond words. I never spoke about it to anyone, least of which was Bella. Pain stronger than transformation had run rampant through me for the months we had been apart.

And Bella. I had thought she would move on, get over me, when I'd left. Little did I know she was in worse condition than even me. She didn't like to speak of our time apart anymore than I did, but I had the memories of those around her during that period to remind me of my betrayal of her. The dog's were the worst, of course. He had Sam's image of finding her on the forest floor, broken and wet, forever printed in his memory, and in turn it had been burned into mine.

That day when he'd shown up at our school to taunt me had been the worst. He'd pictured everything that had gone on while I was gone in his mind, knowing that I could see it and hear it almost first-hand. It was worse than when Jane had used her power on me in Italy. I could handle that barely; the dog's memories had almost broken me. If Bella hadn't been there in front of me, I think I would have died right there, if I could.

Now that I was back and we were man and wife, I would never leave Bella's side. Not even for a second. We would, for all eternity, be bound together in every way possible, human or inhuman. I would never let any type of harm come to her again; I had promised both her and myself that.

But this harm, this change, would be the worst on both of us. She knew it and I knew it. I had heard her tell Alice she wouldn't cry out for my sake during the terrible three days. Alice had doubted her, but I didn't. When Bella sets her mind to something, she gets it done. I envied her strength, for I hadn't had that strength when Carlisle had changed me. I'd thrashed and roared for hour after hour without end.

But Bella, she was different. She was stronger than any of us combined. Emmett included. She'd persevered though the most difficult of times when any other person would have broken down long ago. She'd emerged stronger than ever and her decision had been made.

"Edward, I love you," Bella's voice was strong next to me, pulling me from my thoughts. It was steady, sure of itself. There was no wavering or room for doubt.

Her sudden admission, though I'd heard it countless times before, eased my racing mind.

I had to be strong for Bella. My Bella. This was what she wanted, what she longed for. I such a hard time denying her anything, much less this.

I sighed louder than I intended and Bella rolled in her sleep, her pulse quickening for a second. I thought I'd woken her, but then it calmed and it was back to it's same slow, usual pattern.

Her skin glowed in the moonlight. She thought I was a marble statue, perfection at it's finest. But in reality, it was she who was perfect. I wanted to worship at the alter of her feet for all eternity. I simply didn't deserve this flawless creature I had been gifted with.

"I love you too, my beautiful Bella," I whispered in her ear. That same smile as earlier returned to her face and her pulse quickened again.

I sighed, quieter this time.

I would spend all eternity showing her how much she meant to me. How much I worshiped her. I wanted to be blind from the light she shone in my life. It wouldn't matter that I no longer had a soul; Bella and I would share hers. It wouldn't matter if I couldn't enter heaven; I had my own angel right here.

I pulled her tighter against me, wishing that we could stay locked in this moment in our bed together for all of time. Stop the clock all together.

But I knew different. All too soon the sun would rise on the horizon and it would be daybreak. And time for her to rise and meet her choice head on.

Tomorrow would be a long day, and the two days following it would be longer still. I just hoped I had the strength necessary to withstand them. For Bella's sake.

**A/N: Once again, please review. I like reviews, good or bad. I enjoyed writing from Edward's perspective. He's so angsty that it makes for good writing, I think. **


	3. Last Goodbyes

Note: Goddess divine Stephenie Meyer owns everything. I just borrow the characters. If I owned them, I'd never let Edward come out and play.

**Choices**

**Chapter 3: Last Goodbyes**

My eyelids fluttered open and immediately I felt the Edward's steel arms tighten around me. His luscious scent flooded my nose and I let it consume me. That was definitely one of the things I hoped would persist through the change: the effect his scent had on me.

I rolled over, shifting in his arms, so that I could look at his face. Even after so many mornings waking up with him by me, and lately next to me, each morning still felt like I was seeing him for the first time. Each time I opened my eyes from my deep slumber, he was more perfect than the previous time if possible.

"Morning, love," he breathed. His eyes, much too dark, locked with mine. To stare into his eyes for too long was like sinking into a deep abyss, one from which I never wanted to emerge.

If he only understood that I was waiting for the day that I would never have to blink again so that my sight of him would never be obscured again.

And then it hit me.

Today was that day. Today was the day of my change. The day that I'd been both dreaming about and dreading for almost two years.

I started breathing faster, shallower breathes and I'm sure my pulse was starting to race. I knew Edward would sense the difference. He'd said before that he could tell when my blood was racing with different emotions. Lust was sweeter, richer and muskier. Fear was more metallic and saltier. I'd never realized anyone could _smell_ emotions before I'd met him, but I'd never actually realized vampires had existed before him either.

"Bella?" his lips quivered with my name. I was right: he knew how I felt without me having to say a word.

"Hold on. I'm just catching my breath," I lied. My voice was barely above a whisper, but I'm sure he heard me.

"Bella," he sighed. He pulled me in closer so my face was pressed up against his chest. I inhaled him deeply, wishing to banish the nerves for good.

Normally his smell would cause my heart to race and my thoughts to become cloudy, but here it did the exact opposite. It settled me and forced me to confront today's plans head on.

Because today was the biggest day of my life. Coincidentally, it was the also last day of my life.

_Breathe, Bella. You can do this. What is three days of pain when you have an eternity with Edward? _I thought.

Eternity. That was certainly something I was looking forward to. An eternity never needing to sleep, never being parted from his side, and being his equal in every way. The thought was tantalizing, seducing.

I steadied myself and finally lifted my head from Edward's cold chest. His face was awash with concern. And something else. Grief. Definitely grief. Pain laced the edges as well, and pain was definitely an emotion I didn't like seeing on his face.

"So how was your night?" I tried to sound as calm and collected as I could.

"Agonizing." There was an edge to his voice that made me wince.

"Why was it agonizing?"

"You cried out in pain. And for me not to leave you," he whispered. _Oh, god,_ I thought. My dreams came rushing back to me and I understood why he looked so distraught.

I'd been dreaming about today alright. There was no hiding that. Even without the mind-reading he could tell that.

"Oh," it came out of me flat and without emotion. "I just … let me explain."

His eyes searched my face. He nodded slightly, urging me to continue.

I paused a moment, searching for the right words to explain everything I'd dreamed. I wanted to make him understand that even though my dream had been about probably the most painful thing to occur in my life or afterlife, it wasn't a bad dream.

"I cried out in pain because … well, Edward. It did hurt. A lot. But that wasn't the worst part," I paused again, biting my lip.

"What was the worst part, love?"

"You blamed yourself," I looked right in his eyes and I saw them falter, if for a second. "You wanted to go, to punish yourself for what you'd done to me. But I didn't want you to go. Through all the pain, I was begging you to stay with me and hold me.

"Without you there, I wasn't able to endure the pain. It was too much. But when your arms were around me it was bearable. Yes, it hurt, but it didn't hurt as much. So you stayed even though you hated yourself for what you were doing to me. And then the pain went away. You made it go away."

I finished and the silence hung in the room like a lead weight. I could tell he was digesting everything I'd said. Hell, _I_ was digesting everything I'd said. But it was all the truth. His strong, icy arms had wrapped around me, cooling the flames that engulfed my body and restraining my thrashing limbs.

"Bella, love?" he finally spoke.

"Yes?"

"Are you sure this is what you want?" the pain had returned to Edward's voice. It hurt me too, but it hurt because after everything we'd been through, he still doubted my resolve. He still questioned my determination to be with him forever.

"How could you even ask that?" I asked indignantly.

"I can't help but notice how your voice sounds when you speak and the fear I smell racing through you," his face went down and his eyes refused to look at me.

I wasn't having this. I took one finger and put it under his chin, lifting his gaze to meet mine.

"I don't want you thinking for a second this isn't what I want. This is _exactly_ what I want. I've wanted it from the moment I knew it was possible. Even when you faltered, I didn't. I've never stopped loving you, wanting you, wanting this. And I know you want this as well. You wouldn't have stayed if you didn't," I put force behind every word. I needed him to understand how strongly this meant to me, even if my pulse still raced at the idea. After all, as Edward had said previously, fear is a healthy emotion.

His eyes grew wide with each word I spoke. When I was done, a wide smile spread across his face and I couldn't help but mirror him.

"What?" I asked, curious to root out the source of his mood shift.

"I love it when you put me in my place," he said.

_Jeeze, he's such a dope sometimes. Here I am, trying to be serious and he has to try and dazzle me,_ I thought.

I rolled my eyes in response before craning my lips slightly to plant a kiss on the end of his perfect nose.

"I love it when you let me," I replied.

We laid there for awhile longer, wrapped in each other's arms. We didn't need to say anything because everything had already been said. We just simply enjoyed each other's presence. Edward put his head to my chest after awhile, listening to the heartbeat he loved so much. It was steady until he started to run his fingers along different parts of my body, teasing me. Then it became erratic, changing when he'd lift his fingers off or place them back on my skin.

"Just enjoying how your body reacts to me," he said when his fingers grazed my upper thigh. They moved north and I willed them to continue with all my being.

I couldn't control my breath already and Edward was just touching me. It was like this every time though. By the time we got to the actual act, I usually lost all control of my body, my senses, my thoughts and pretty much everything else about me.

But as quickly as he'd put them so close to where I wanted them to go, he withdrew his fingers with a low chuckle.

Frustrated, I crossed my arms over my chest and stuck out my bottom lip.

This just caused Edward to laugh more.

"You're cute when you pout. I'm going to have to remember to tease you more often," he chuckled.

"Edward! That's not fair!" I whined.

"Hasn't anyone told you life's not fair?" he quoted me from a long time ago.

"Gah, if I hadn't just married you I would probably be swatting at you right now."

Within a second of the words escaping me, Edward was kissing me. Instinctually, I threaded my fingers through his hair trying to pull him closer. My body squirmed under him in delight. Slowly, he ran his icy tongue along my lower lip, tasting me. I couldn't help the moan that escaped my lips into his.

My hips ground into his, desperately trying to search out what my body was longing for. But this was apparently too much. Edward broke away, withdrawing to my feet.

I, like usual, was left panting in his wake and barely able to form a coherent thought. Slowly, my lungs resumed their normal function (as normal as they ever were around Edward).

Edward just sat there, curled at my feet, with my favorite crooked smile on his face.

"Don't you have something to do today? Why don't you just get on with it so we can continue?" I said, still slightly out of breath.

For a brief second, pain flashed across his face, but it disappeared as quickly as it had appeared.

"Well, as much as I would love to get back to _touching you in that way_, I have to go out for a few hours," he said.

Panic flooded my stomach. Go out?

My thoughts must have showed on my face because without hesitating, Edward answered my fear.

"Carlisle thinks it best that I hunt rather aggressively before I … change you so the temptation to drink deeply is minimized as much as possible," he stated hesitantly. I knew it was tough for him to talk about the specifics, so I didn't press him.

"Okay," was my meek reply.

"I want you to enjoy yourself while I'm gone. I'll be back before you even have time to miss me," his eyes shone with love and I'm sure if he could cry he would be at this moment.

I nodded, unable to come up with a response. I didn't want him to leave, but I knew this was for the best. For both him and me.

With that, he was gone. I was left sitting in our bed, still clothed in his shirt from yesterday. I let the tears well up in my eyes for a brief moment before pushing them away with the back of my hand.

Finally, I got out of bed and forced myself to take a shower. I savored each moment, each droplet of water, that slid down my skin. I wasn't sure how it would feel once my skin was as hard and smooth as Edward's. When the water finally began to run cold, I got out and found some clothes to wear.

I ventured outside our bedroom and smelled the wonderful aromas of breakfast filling the air.

Finding my way into the kitchen, I found Esme flipping pancakes on the stove and carefully watching over a skillet with scrambled eggs.

"Hi, dear. I just thought you'd want some breakfast," she turned and smiled at me when she heard me walk in.

"Of course! It smells delicious!" I exclaimed.

When the food was done, Esme sat everything in front of me at the large table that was really more for show in this house than anything. I'd really been the only one to get any use of it in the last two years and after today, even I wouldn't be using it.

The food was wonderful, of course. Esme sat watching me eat, even though I was self-conscious with her there. I made sure I chewed with my mouth closed and didn't speak with food in it since I knew human food was fairly disgusting to vampires.

"Bella, dear?" Esme quietly asked.

"Mmmm?" I mumbed, my mouth full of pancake.

"I think you should call Charlie today before Edward comes back. To let him know you got back from your honeymoon okay and that you won't be calling him for awhile," she said lightly.

Immediately, the pit of my stomach fell out and all hunger disappeared. Charlie. I'd said my goodbyes to him after the wedding, but I had purposefully left it open ended so as to not confuse him.

"Bella?" Esme sounded concerned.

"It's alright. I should call him. It's just going to hurt, that's all," I sighed.

"I know, honey. Do you want me to be with you when you do it?" she asked.

"Can you please? I don't know if I'll make it through with him if nobody else is there with me," my lip quivered at the thought. There was no doubt in my mind I'd break down sobbing if I was alone telling Charlie I wouldn't be able to talk to him for awhile.

"Of course, dear. Anything," Esme said, patting my hand to comfort me.

I finished the rest of my food, rather grudgingly, and helped Esme clean up the kitchen. She moved faster though and I felt like I wasn't much of a help.

I positioned myself on the chair next to the phone and Esme pulled up a seat next to me. She took one of my hands in her own, and I picked up the phone. Dialing the familiar numbers, I waited for Charlie to pick up.

"Hello?" his voice was steady as ever. Immediately I felt the tears well up and Esme squeezed my hand.

"Dad?"

"Bells!" he exclaimed. "I'm sure glad to hear from you. Are you back from your trip?"

"Yeah, Dad. We got in last night really late. I didn't want to call you," I said.

"So how was it? I mean, you don't have to go in to detail or anything," he stammered and I could almost picture his face turning several shades darker.

"Um, Chicago was great, Dad. You would have loved it. Edward showed me all the sports stuff. I didn't realize so many people love baseball there," I blushed myself, safely evading the topic that neither of us wanted to talk about.

He laughed and I mentally tucked away the sound, unsure of when I'd hear it next.

"They sure do, Bells. They sure do."

"So, Dad …" I trailed off.

"Yeah?"

"Well, we're gonna be busy packing the house and moving in the next few weeks, so if I don't call you for awhile I don't want you to worry," I said biting my lip. Charlie thought that the family was moving to Alaska immediately after Edward and I got back from our honeymoon in preparation for college.

"Sure, Bells. Don't worry about it. That's a big job, so I understand," he said.

I wasn't sure what to say next. There was so much I could say, so much I wanted to say. A lump welled up in my throat and I swallowed hard to get it down.

Esme moved a hand to my back, rubbing my shoulders. It soothed me a bit.

"Dad?"

"Yeah, Bells?"

"I love you," I said.

"I love you too, Bells. Take care of yourself, okay? I don't want you picking up anything too heavy seeing as you're prone to hurting yourself," he chuckled.

"I will, Dad. Edward won't let me pick up anything heavier than a dinner plate," I sighed.

"He's a good man, Bella. He really is. I know he'll keep you safe," he admitted. I was slightly stunned by this. Charlie had outwardly accepted our marriage, though Edward had said he still had lingering doubts in his head. Edward didn't like to tell me these things though, so I'm sure it was probably worse than he let on.

"I know he will too. I love him so much," I quivered again. If Charlie only knew how much Edward really did love me, any doubt in his mind would be erased.

"I know you do, Bells. Well, I have to go. Billy's having a preseason football party tonight, so I'm heading over to help him out," he said.

Was this really it? I wanted it this conversation to last, but I didn't want to make it seem like something was up.

"Okay, Dad. I'll talk to you later, okay?" my eyes were swimming in tears. I just wanted to get off the phone before they flooded over and Charlie knew something was up.

"Take your time, Bells. Moving's a big deal. Have fun! Bye, Bells," he said cheerfully.

"Bye, Dad."

He hung up the phone and I barely had replaced it on the wall before the tears exploded out of my eyes.

Esme pulled me in for a tight hug and just let me cry as much as I wanted. Sobs racked my body and I'm sure that I was a blubbering mess.

Oh, god. This was hard. Harder than I thought it would be. Charlie had been so much to me in the last two years. He was more like my father than I'd ever imagined he could be and above all else I knew I would miss him the most.

"Ssssshhhh, it's okay, dear. Everything will be okay," Esme cooed into my hair. She rubbed circles in my back, trying to slow the pace of my sobs.

Finally, they subsided after I felt I could cry no more.

"Ch-Ch-Charlie," I dry sobbed.

"He'll be okay. He's tougher than you think, Bella," she whispered.

I sniffled awhile, still trying to recover.

"How much longer will he be gone?" I asked Esme, knowing that she would immediately know who I was referring to.

"Not long, maybe an hour. I think you should go up and rest before he gets back, dear."

I nodded mutely and made my way back up to our room. My shirt was now thoroughly soaked from my tears and I changed into a loose fitting t-shirt, preferring the comfort.

I sat on the bed and pulled my knees up to my chest. I let my head fall down on my knees and slowly slid into a haze, waiting for Edward to get back.

Finally after what seemed like an eternity, a soft knock came at the door. Without bothering to wait for an answer, the door opened and Edward cautiously walked in.

He sat down on the edge of the bed and I lifted my head to look at him.

His eyes were the lightest golden I'd ever seen. They'd never been more beautiful.

"I missed you terribly, love," his voice was low, full of the emotion I knew he had for me.

"I missed you too. More than words can describe," I replied, trying to echo his voice.

"Bella, the family is downstairs. They'll leave if you want, but they want to be here when it's over. Carlisle is ready if you are. So am I, finally," he said after a moment of silence.

I nodded, unable again to form words.

So here it was. The moment when nothing else mattered but Edward and me. The moment that I'd been expecting for two years.

Unable to contain it, I sighed and braced myself for what was to come.

* * *

**A/N: Once again, please read and review. Writing from Bella's perspective is much harder I think. As much as I think I know her, I still can't wrap my head around her sometimes. **


	4. Heartbeat

**A/N: I really should be working on my book (I haven't written anything for that in almost a week), but Edward and Bella keep knocking on the door to my thoughts, demanding my attention. Maybe if I give them their moment they'll leave me alone long enough to go back. **

Note: Goddess divine Stephenie Meyer owns everything. I just borrow the characters. If I owned them, I'd never let Edward come out and play.

**Choices**

**Chapter 4: Heartbeat**

There was a light knock at the door. Edward growled in it's direction very low.

"Okay, come in," he said a second after.

Slowly the door opened. Carlisle walked in, followed by Alice, then Emmett, Esme, Jasper and finally Rosalie. The whole family was there to see me off, so to speak.

"Bella? I'm ready when you are. Take your time though. We have all the time in the world," Carlisle said smiling warmly. I noticed he was carrying his doctor's bag in his right hand.

I gulped. My heart thudded erratically in my chest not quite in sync with it's normal rhythm. I guess this is what it feels like to know the exact moment when you're going to die, I thought grimly.

I turned to Edward who was facing me on the bed. Before we could start, I need to say something to everyone else without him hearing it.

"Edward?" I said as calmly as my racing heart could manage.

"Yes, Bella?"

"I need to say something to the family in private. In real private, not vampire private."

"Bella…" he sighed. The corners of his eyes fell, belying his unhappiness with this request.

"Edward, it's important to me. I need to do this," I pushed gently.

He took a second to think over what I said before he answered.

"If it's important to you, then it's important to me. I'll be just out of earshot. Alice, will you call me when she's ready?" he said, looking at Alice who was next to Carlisle. She nodded, her eyes wide with emotion that she couldn't release.

Edward shuffled out of the room, looking more like a five year old boy who had been thrown out than the graceful, powerful vampire I knew him to be.

We stood there for a second until Alice nodded her head to tell me he was safely far enough away.

I took a deep breath before saying my piece.

"First, I want to thank you all for everything you've done for me. I wouldn't be here without you, literally. You've given me the greatest thing I could ever hope or dream for. You've given me Edward. I can never repay you for that gift, no matter how hard I try or how many years I spend with you," I choked up and I wiped the traitor tears from my eyes that were threatening to spill over.

Time for another deep breathe. Nobody spoke, instead waiting for me to continue.

"Now I want you all to promise me something. This is very important. If anything goes wrong, anything at all, I need you to promise me that you won't let Edward do anything rash. I know that's a big thing of me to ask, especially considering … last year's events," I winced at the memory but was unwilling to go down that path right now.

"I know he's going to blame himself during these three days. He's going to hate himself for what he's done. He'll rant and rage; he'll pace and probably break things. I know him too well and I know you all do too. But he also needs to understand something. This was my choice. I know there's no going back from this. I know that one false move by him and I'm done for, but I also know that he'll never hurt me more than absolutely necessary. He's too strong for that."

"Emmett, I need to ask you a favor," I said turning my head toward the largest of the Cullens. He nodded.

"Don't let him leave. Bar the door, hold him down, whatever it takes. I won't be able to bear him leaving again. Can you do that for me?" I asked.

"Anything for you, Bells," he said, but I could tell he was trying very hard to not start dry blubbering like a baby. I wanted to give him a hug so badly, but I needed to continue before I could.

"Alice," I turned again. She nodded. "You need to look out for anything. Bad, good, whatever. I'm trusting you with this."

"Bella!" she cried. "I'd do anything for you!"

"Esme," I continued. "I need you to be his mother more than anything right now. He needs your soothing presence during this." Her eyes brimmed with tears I knew would be flowing if she could cry when she nodded.

"Jasper, I know this is going to be the hardest on you of anyone. I won't hold it against you if you need to leave. No, I take that back. I want you to leave. You'll need to be here when I wake up, just in case I do anything … unsavory."

He nodded, face grim. Though we had never been in close physical proximity to each other since our trip to Phoenix, Jasper and I held a special bond. He knew what I was feeling more than anyone, even with the ability to read my emotions.

I turned to Carlisle, the last in my series of requests that I would speak of in front of everybody.

"Carlisle, I know you'll be here through this. Edward's always looked up to you, probably more than you know. Please be his steady hand through this. Be his strength. You know what it's like to turn someone you love so much and I think he'll need that guidance," I said, letting out a whoosh of air when I was done.

Carlisle said, "Anything, Bella."

He moved forward, but I held up my hand to stop him.

"Can I speak with Rose in private? You all don't have to leave like Edward, but I do want it to be just her," I said firmly.

Everyone but Rosalie left the room. She stood there awkwardly, as awkwardly as the goddess-like Rosalie could manage.

"Rosalie?" I spoke. I motioned for her to come over to the bed and she sat down next to me. I took her perfect hands in mine.

She looked me in the eye, gold to brown. I'd been thinking about this conversation for a long time and I knew it could possibly be the most important one I had for awhile.

I took a deep breathe again, steadying myself and collecting my thoughts.

"Rose, I know you don't like what I'm about to do. You've made that clear. I know you think I'm throwing everything away. But I need you to realize that I'm not. This is merely another step. This is the path I've chosen for myself. I don't need you to be happy with this, but I do need your approval. Edward needs your approval. He's already going to be tougher on himself than we all think and he doesn't need your angry thoughts to weight him down more than he already will be. He needs this from you, as his sister.

"I know you've always wanted children and that's probably the one thing you miss from being human most of all. And I'm sure at some point in my existence I will too, maybe not immediately, but at some point probably. But the beauty of me choosing this is that we can do this together. We can grieve for what we've lost together and that will make us both stronger. Together, we'll get through anything that comes our way," I said carefully.

Her eyes were wide and I knew what I was saying was sinking in.

"Can you do this, Rose? As my sister?" I asked after a second of silence.

"Oh, Bella!" she exclaimed and threw her arms around my neck. She pulled me for a tight hug, but was careful to not make it too tight.

She pulled away finally, saying, "Bella, you're right. This is your choice, not mine. You've been too good to me when all I've done is be terrible to you. You swept into our lives and changed everything. I reacted violently because I was jealous. I've always wanted to be the center of attention and suddenly you, a human, captured everybody's hearts without even trying. Bella, I'm so sorry! I'll try so hard from now on, I promise. And I promise that no matter what, I'll be here for you. We can do this together. I might not like it just yet, but I approve of your choice. And I promise I'll try."

By this point the tears were flowing freely from my eyes and I fought back loud sobs. I wiped my eyes on the sleeves of my t-shirt, trying to maintain myself. I started to hiccup after a second.

This elicited low giggles from Rosalie which soon erupted in beautiful laughter. I couldn't help but follow her. In that second, all the differences between us were erased. We were just two sisters, one about to go through the biggest change in her life and the other pledging to help in any way she could.

We laughed until our sides hurt, or at least until my side hurt. I doubted very much vampires could laugh that much. Finally, I quieted and a sense of calm washed over me. Maybe Jasper was still around or he wasn't, but I was ready. Now more than ever. I had settled everything I could control and received promises on things I couldn't.

"Can you send him in now?" I said.

Rose nodded and left. I sat, my knees drawn up to my chest and waited.

It was barely a moment before another knock sounded at the door. I didn't have to be a mindreader to know who it was. Edward entered without me having to respond. He carried a pair of athletic shorts in his hand.

"Alice wants you to wear this. It will be much more comfortable than your jeans she says," he said and I heard anguish in his voice, despite his attempts to cover it up. There was no hiding from me; I knew his pain too well.

I took the shorts and undid my jeans. Blushing when I realized Edward was watching me, I turned away even though I knew he was still looking. We may have been husband and wife and been intimate on several occasions, but the embarrassment was still there for me. I hope that didn't carry over after the change. I didn't want to spend an eternity embarrassed to change in front of my husband.

The elastic was barely settled on my hips before I felt Edward's strong, cool arms wrap around my waist from behind. I turned to look him in the face. I looked deep into his light golden eyes, transfixed for a second. This was how he always cheated, by dazzling me.

"Bella, I have to ask you one more time. I know we had our talk this morning, but I need to hear it again to be sure," he said stoically.

I nodded, already knowing what he was going to ask me.

"Are you sure you want to do this? Nobody will think less of you if you change your mind. I promise."

I started, "Edward, my love, I want this more than anything. I love you with every fiber of my being, every cell in my body. If there was some way to do this where I could spare you the grief this will cause you, I would. But I can't. So I just have to hope that you trust me. Because I trust you. More than anybody else in this entire world, past, present or future."

He brought his head down, resting his cool forehead on mine. Our eyes met, barely millimeters apart. I closed mine to savor the moment. Savor his smell. Savor my last breathes and heartbeats.

He drew back before whispering, "Bella, I'm scared."

"I'm scared too, Edward. But we're in this together. We can be scared together," I responded just as low.

I moved toward this bed and he followed, his arms still wrapped around my waist. I sat down on the edge, before scooting up into the center. He followed and pulled me into his lap. I curled up into his chest, taking steadying breathes to calm my loud heart that I'm sure most of the state of Washington heard at this point. It was impossible to miss.

"Carlisle, we're ready," Edward whispered after a moment.

The door opened and Carlisle entered again. He walked over, set his bag on the nightstand and sorted through it. I knew exactly what he was looking for: the morphine and needle we'd talked about previously. This scared me more than the thought of Edward's razor sharp teeth piercing my skin.

"Calm her down, Edward," Carlisle said, still preparing.

Edward took my chin in his hand and pulled my face to meet his. His lips locked with mine and kissed me, deeper than he ever had. There were no boundaries, no limits on this kiss. There didn't need to be.

His distraction worked well. I barely felt Carlisle take my hand and expertly stick the needle in. I felt the rush of something cool into my blood stream, knowing full well the effects the morphine would have on me. Before I let it consume me, I needed to say one last thing to Edward.

I pulled back, lightheaded from lack of oxygen. I looked him straight in the eyes again through already hazy vision.

"Edward, I love you so much. Please do this for me," I whispered.

"Bella, I love you too. So much," he responded. His chest heaved in small dry sobs.

He kissed me again, more delicately. More passionately. After an all-too-short second, he withdrew his lips. He kept kissing my face; first my forehead, then both my closed eyelids, my nose, then both of my cheeks. Slowly, painfully he drew is lips downward toward my neck. He kept kissing, his lips both numbing me and heating me up. Finally, he settled on the side, he sucked on the skin there.

In some other place, in some other time, I would have laughed at this. He was giving me a hickey, marking me as his own. But now, here on this bed, my limbs were too heavy to move and my mouth felt like it was stuffed with cotton.

After a moment, all sense of myself was drifting away. The morphine was surging, pressing into every corner of my body. It demanded control, control that I was unable to withhold.

The moment Edward's razor sharp teeth pierced my skin, the haze vanished. That second, that instant, I felt everything. It wasn't painful though. It was the most glorious thing I'd ever felt. Tears came to my eyes hard and fast.

I felt him swallow, once, twice, three times. The suction my blood felt was unlike anything I'd ever experienced. It felt absolutely surreal.

Carlisle put his hand on Edward's shoulder from behind him. "Edward," he cautioned.

Edward pulled away, a drop of my blood still on his lips. I reached one suddenly awake finger up to his lips and delicately wiped it away. I looked at it before putting my finger to my own mouth, licking away my blood. I tasted the rust even through the haze.

I was dimly aware of Edward leaning me back onto the bed while he finished the prescribed bites. Wrists and over my heart. I didn't feel these nearly as much as my neck. The morphine was fighting for control of my consciousness, threatening to send me into blackness.

I felt a surge of heat and pain through my body. I gasped a little, barely able to contain it from coming out. It was duller though than when James had bit me. Apparently the morphine was working at least partially.

Another surge. I bit my lip, unwilling to cry out from even the strongest pain. I had to be strong. Edward couldn't see me scream. My pain would only be magnified by his.

"Bella, it's okay. You can scream if it helps," he soothed.

I shook my head limply. I wouldn't give in.

Spasms suddenly wracked my body, twisting and contorting me every which way. Unable to fight against it, I gave in and allowed them to consume me.

Edward's arms tightened around me, attempting to hold me still through the pain. Heat flashed through every part of my body. Every cell felt on fire. Surely my body had been doused in gasoline and thrown into a pit of burning embers. It certainly felt that way.

But I felt another thing. Edward's cool arms, as icy as ever, wrapped around me. His touch quenched the raging fires. He had kept his promise to stay with me, no matter what.

The morphine was surging again. It demanded my attention. There was nothing I could do but relent. I was too weak from pain, fire and ice to stand a chance.

I slid into unconsciousness, only partly aware of Edward's body so very close to me.

He was shaking with violent dry sobs that I knew would last three days.

* * *

**A/N: Please review. It takes so little time to press the little "Submit Review" button compared to what it takes to read. Five seconds, people. **

**I know several of you want to see this from Edward's point of view, but I felt it was important for Bella to say her piece. Next chapter though will be his. **


	5. Second Hand

**A/N: I managed to knock out half a chapter on my book before allowing Edward and Bella to demand my attention. Yeah me for having self control! **

**Also, I'm not sure how much longer I'm going to take this particular fic. I have an idea for Bella's power, but I'm not sure I could do it justice. Thoughts? Opinions if I should continue? If I do, there won't be much of a plot, sadly. **

Note: Goddess divine Stephenie Meyer owns everything. I just borrow the characters. If I owned them, I'd never let Edward come out and play.

**Choices**

**Chapter 5: Second Hand**

**EPOV**

Tick … tick …. tick ….. tick.

Each time the second hand on my wristwatch moves the sound gets further apart. Each passing second is immensely longer than the previous. An eternity passes between heartbeats. Bella's heartbeats.

I shifted my arms ever so slightly, trying not to disturb the unconscious Bella, to look at the sleek silver band on my arm. Hopefully hours had passed since I did the unthinkable: drank from the most glorious creature to ever walk on the face of this planet. My Bella. The one person I had vowed to never drink from. I had broken my own vow.

The hour hand hadn't moved. Matter of fact, the minute hand had barely moved either.

Only a few minutes had passed, though those few minutes had felt like an eternity. Seeing her eyes closed and the obvious pain she was feeling coursing through her weak body.

My sensitive touch could feel each ripple that flew through her. Each nerve that was firing. Each muscle that contracted pulsed and tightened unwillingly.

For barely having a concept of temperature myself, her body felt like it was on fire to me. Not the kind of fire I relished, the kind that my own body kindled in her, but the kind that was only those of our kind had ever felt. I wanted to cover every inch of her skin with my own in an attempt to ease her suffering. My icy touch would be her relief.

But I couldn't move from her, even an inch. I couldn't ease my grip on her for anything. I wanted to take her pain away with everything in me. She didn't deserve this kind of suffering. Nobody this perfect did. Perfection has a steep cost though, one that Bella was currently paying. But the price that Bella was paying was nothing in comparison to the price I was paying.

I was watching the woman who I loved more than any other thing I'd ever loved in my entire existence suffer for me. How could I let her do this for me? How could I be so selfish as to ask this glorious creature to give up her life? I wasn't worth this. I had condemned her to an eternity of darkness in my own greedy need to not be parted with her. To keep her close to me she would be forced to feed on living creatures to sustain herself. I had plucked an angel from the clouds of heaven and driven her straight to depths of hell.

Without a doubt, I knew I would suffer for this. There would be repercussions. The gods simply didn't let sin like this go; it couldn't be washed away or swept under the rug. They would never blame Bella for this, for she was too innocent to know what she was asking for. No, I would shoulder all the blame. I had to. I would shield her from any blowback from this most selfish need I had.

Bella whimpered in my arms and her brows knit together in obvious pain. This was unbearable. Unthinkable. Unendurable.

I couldn't help the sobs that racked my body. They came without me looking for them. I've never been one to wish to cry, but right now at this moment all I wanted to do was shed even a single tear at this torture I was suffering. To be able to express even the slightest bit of my own pain would be a gift.

But alas, I was afforded no such gift. This was part of my punishment.

Tick … tick …. tick ….. tick.

That damn watch again. There it was again reminding me how slowly time was moving now that I actually wanted it to speed up. No, I wanted it to fly by.

As vampires we lose sense of time. Not having to sleep impairs how one detects the flow of time. Day blends into night and back into day again without fail. Calendars lose all meaning when you have an eternity of them to sort through. Only Rosalie tortured herself by keeping them, crossing off each day in a bright red pen as if to remind herself what she lost. _Another day gone, another day dawns until the end of time,_ she'd think as the pen fell across the day's square.

An eternity of days always seemed like such a daunting task before Bella. My Bella. Since her shining light came into the darkness of my life an eternity of days didn't seem like enough time. There simply wasn't enough time for her.

Bella suddenly began to thrash against me, her arms wildly waving trying to claw at her own skin.

"Ssssssh, Bella. You can't do that. You'll only hurt yourself more," I whispered in her ear.

I had to use the entirety of my strength to restrain her, but even with that she still managed to inflict a few scratches on herself. Nothing like previous cuts she'd sustained, but each one of the red marks that now clung to her skin cut me deep. Much deeper than any of her other injuries ever had. No, not even the wounds that vile tracker had inflicted upon her. These scratches were much worse. I was the source of these new brands. The cause of her present suffering.

I couldn't do this. I wouldn't last three days. I wasn't strong enough. Me, Edward Cullen. With all my immense strength, there was no way I would ever be strong enough for her. Strong enough to endure this infinite torture.

"Please, Edward," Bella's voice was so low, so weak I almost missed it.

"Yes, love?" I brought my lips close to her ear in the hope that she could hear me through her pain.

"Voice … your voice … makes … it … better," each word came out broken, with grimaces between them.

I pulled her tighter, not caring about hurting her. Bella wouldn't feel my steel grasp through the pain within her body. I brought my lips even closer to her ear, this time resting them upon the still supple flesh there.

For hours I let my voice flow over her, soothing her creased brow. I spoke of everything imaginable. Her childhood in Phoenix from what she had told me those early days in our relationship. Charlie and everything he'd done for her in two years. Our first encounters together. The meadow. Our wedding and honeymoon. Baseball games my family played. Places I'd traveled. Dammit, I even began to recount tales of all the times I'd gone through school to her. Anything to keep talking.

My lips flew faster than any human would understand so that the words almost blended together in a constant stream of sound. Each time her pulse would quicken and her breathing accelerate from the intense pain ripples, I'd only speak louder and hold her tighter. I was her distraction from her own body.

She needed it. But I needed it too. Her distractions were my own. When I was so focused on her and the relief my voice brought to her, my own suffering took a backseat. The interminable ticking of the clock almost disappeared, just leaving me holding Bella in my arms.

I had drawn the curtains over the glass wall, knowing that the slow creep of the sun across the sky during the day and the moon at night would only add to the illusion of time slowing down. The day slid by laboriously behind those thick curtains. It went excruciatingly slow.

Never once did I look at the actual hour hand on my watch, only the second hand. I couldn't take the hours all at once, but the second hand I could manage. Each second that ticked off meant a second closer to the end to this hell.

Tick … tick …. tick ….. tick.

My steel arms rocked her quaking body back and forth like a baby. My Bella. This angel was quaking for me. For my suffering.

_Edward, I know you can hear me. I can only imagine what you're going through, but you have to remember, this is Bella's choice. She wanted this, dear. Everything will work out. _Esme's soothing voice floated through my head. I shook it, not wanting to accept what she was saying.

There was no way Bella would have willingly gone into this if she knew how painful this would be. I couldn't believe that. She wasn't the masochist; I was. And this was the most masochistic thing I'd ever done, bar none.

I felt so weak, so helpless, at not being able to help her. To soothe her. There was nothing I could do for her other than hold her tight and keep her close. Oh, god, how I wanted to help her. If I could go through this all over again instead of her I would in a heartbeat, no matter how much pain I would feel. Not even a second thought. I would pay an infinite sum of money to take this away from her and put it on my shoulders. Give anything.

My beautiful Bella wrinkled her face and bit her lip hard, probably keeping a scream in. She was so strong, so much stronger than me. So committed was she to her vow not to scream that even now, even through the strongest surges of pain, she held to it. So far she had emitted nothing more than gasps, though those were just as hurtful to me as the loudest screams she could muster would ever be.

The little patch of gauze that Carlisle had taped over my bite mark on her neck was beginning to peel off. Gently, I used my delicate fingers to strip the cloth from her glorious skin. Already it was beginning to heal in response to my venom flooding through her system, but it was still there. A sign of my weakness. My fingers grazed over the soft crescent shape that would forever be imprinted on her skin. For all eternity she would be branded as mine, but even that thrilling thought did little to comfort me.

"It hurts … so hot," Bella whimpered. Soft, faint tears slid down her cheeks from the corner of her eyes. Deftly, my fingers went to wipe them away. I brought my damp fingers up to my face, examining the shiny surface of my skin. I couldn't let these tears, some of Bella's last for all eternity, escape. It was a travesty, a crime. Bringing my fingers to my mouth, I sucked them dry. I took Bella's very essence into my body, not letting any bit of her human self away. Her mortal self.

So sweet her tears were. So beautiful, even though I hated for her to shed them over me. Over what I had done. Over the sin I had committed.

Her pulse slowed, revealing to me that her body was calming at least for the moment. No doubt the pain would resume, but right now she was at ease. The thought of her comfort, even if temporary, made me rejoice.

Could I dare move? Could I dare remove my touch but for one second? To be parted with her skin was painful to me already; this would be extreme torture under these conditions.

Tick … tick …. tick ….. tick.

I had to move. I couldn't take the silence of the room any more. I had to find some way to drown out the ever-present reminder of time moving so slowly. Unwrapping my arms from her, I gently placed her on the bed.

Barely a second passed while I inserted the CD with the one thing I loved more than any sound Bella herself could make. Pressing play on the sound system, the gentle notes of her lullaby flooded the room and I made sure to set it on repeat. The chords reminded me so much of my beautiful Bella that I couldn't help but smile at it. The simple elegance and innocence brought me back to better times, simpler times in our relationship. Before it had become so complicated by my foolish actions. When we were both exploring each other and our limits.

I slid back into bed with Bella before she could miss my touch, once again wrapping my arms around her. She whimpered again, but this one wasn't from pain. It was reunion. Even through the ache she felt, she still responded to me. It was true; her body was indeed created for me and mine the same for her.

I sang along with her lullaby, expertly mimicking each piano chord with my velvety voice. Each time the song would end, I would fill the dead air time by continuously singing so as to not have any break in sound.

Hours went by like this. At some points she gasped. At others she thrashed, but still she never screamed. Not once. Her will was truly remarkable.

_Edward? I need to examine her to see how she's doing,_ Carlisle's thoughts came from outside the bedroom door.

"Okay," I barely responded, but he heard me. Carlisle delicately opened the door, slipping in with barely enough room for his body to pass.

He made his way to the bed where I held my beautiful angel.

_I understand what you're going through. I honestly do, _he thought gently.

"No, you don't. You couldn't begin to understand." My own voice was pained and harsh. I knew my words hurt him, but I couldn't control myself.

Carlisle only sighed softly before taking Bella's limp hand and taking her pulse. I'm sure he could hear it outside the door, but his doctor's instincts told him to. He paused a brief moment, listening to the soft thud, thud, thud that I could pick out from a crowd.

_It's slowing, Edward. And she's growing colder._

I shook my head, unable to accept what he was thinking. I refused to acknowledge these simple truths that I could feel and hear for myself. They were signs of my weakness. My greatest sin.

_It won't be long now before her heart stops. You have to prepare yourself for that._

Nodding grimly, I buried my face in Bella's hair. Carlisle left noiselessly, leaving me to my thoughts. The scent of her strawberry shampoo lingered from her last human shower so many hours ago. Inhaling deeply, the perfume filled my senses. I wanted that smell deep in me, almost to my toes. I wanted every cell to be awash with Bella, even more so than it already was. There was no way of telling if she would continue to smell this way after the transformation was complete.

But I knew that even without this glorious bouquet I would still cling to her. Whatever she smelled like, she was my everything. Whatever she was, she was my life. Whatever she felt like, she was my eternity. For the rest of time, there would be no other than her.

Tick … tick …. tick ….. tick.

The music continued, but I could still hear the unholy tick of my watch. In one swift motion, I ripped it from my arm, sending links flying across the room into unknown crevices. What was left in my fingers I deftly crushed into a small lump of metal in my palm. I couldn't deal with the damned thing any longer.

_Dammit, Edward! I know what you just did. I had to go to Paris to get that for you! _Alice's irritated thoughts hit me.

"So buy me a new one!" I growled back. I knew she heard me. "Leave me alone!"

Soft whimpering and gasps came out of Bella, drawing me out of me anger towards Alice. Immediately, my full attention was on her. I resumed the flood of my voice into her ear, alternating between telling her more stories and singing her lullaby.

Each unnecessary breathe I took brought Bella closer to her last. Each thud of her heart came slower, more unevenly. It went agonizing long moments between sounding when finally I heard it.

Bella's last heartbeat.

The sound hung in my ears, and I knew I would remember the tone of it for all eternity. I would spend all of time trying to recreate it, trying to recapture it's resonance and richness.

I had killed her. My poison had driven the life out of this goddess. This angel. My precious Bella.

My body flew from the bed without warning. My fingers clawed at the door, my body wanting to escape this sudden hell. The door held firm, not budging an inch.

"I can't let you do that, little brother," Emmett's rich voice sounded from behind the wood.

"Just let me out! I've killed her, don't you see that? Don't you understand that?" I pleaded with him. My voice was panicked. I had to make him understand, make him see what I'd done. What sins I'd committed in this very unholy act.

"Bella knew this would happen. When she asked for privacy, she made me promise that I wouldn't let you leave, no matter what happened. You have to stay. You have to be strong. For her, Edward. She needs you, now more than ever," the pain in his own voice was evident. Though Emmett didn't love Bella like I did (no one would ever love Bella like I did), Emmett loved Bella in his own special way.

"Emmett! Just let me out!"

"You have to stay, little brother. Please. For Bella."

I sighed in defeat, collapsing to the floor. Bella had known I would lose it. She had known that I would want to escape and do something unthinkable. She was so much stronger than me, so much more insightful.

Wave after wave of silent cries shook me to my very core. Hours past. I stayed in the same position, clinging to the one sound I could hear in my ears. Bella's lullaby. It eclipsed all other sounds possible.

Anger raged through me. But there was only one place I could direct it to. Myself. I had started this all. If I had only been strong enough to resist the pull of her blood that first day in biology. If I had been strong enough to stay away from her, no matter what the pain it caused both of us. If I had enough will power to resist her intoxicating pull.

But I wasn't strong enough. I would never be strong enough for Bella, no matter how hard I tried. She held the key to my very existence. She knew how to crack the tough exterior I had so carefully cultivated for myself in almost a century.

How could someone so fragile have so much strength and power?

This beautiful siren, laying so still on our bed, was my everything. And I had just killed my very reason to be.

_Edward, she'll be waking up in 3 minutes and 26 seconds,_ I heard Alice think. _I'm sorry I snapped at you earlier. This hurts me just as much as it does you. I love her too._

Bella? Waking up? Life flickering across her face again?

I jumped off the floor and hurdled myself onto the bed, once again clutching Bella's form to my body. The heartbeat I had valued above all others was noticeably absent, but her body was definitely calmer. Her breathing, now completely unnecessary, was labored. I knew this to be the final stage of transformation.

Once again the seconds couldn't tick fast enough. I began to count them off in my head, slowly inching closer to the time Alice had given me.

Five ….. four …. three … two .. one.

Bella's eyelids flickered, the first sign of her awakening. I immediately grabbed the remote to the stereo and stopped the music, not wanting to overwhelm her newborn sense of hearing.

"Edward?" she whispered. Her voice, glorious before, was now divine. Truly angelic in every way.

I cupped her cheeks in my palms, watching her face.

"I'm right here, Bella. I'm right here," I whispered in return.

Suddenly, she sucked in one large breathe and her eyes flew open.

Bella's gorgeous chocolate brown eyes were blood red, a color that I had thought I would fear.

Whatever color Bella's eyes were, it meant I could see her. It meant that she had come back to me.

Red was suddenly my new favorite color.

* * *

**A/N: Eeeeeh. I'm not feeling this for some reason. The last chapter came so easily; this one not so much. So I won't hold it against anybody if you say this chapter majorly sucks. **

**But review anway. Please? Reviews take so little time! **


	6. Born Anew

Note: Goddess divine Stephenie Meyer owns everything. I just borrow the characters. If I owned them, I'd never let Edward come out and play.

**Choices**

**Chapter 6: Born Anew**

All I felt was fire. Fire and Pain.

So much pain. It ravaged my body, leaving me too weak to understand anything else but how much it hurt.

Each cell twisted. Each muscle contracted. Oh, god. I felt like I was being turned inside out. Like my skin had been stripped by some horrible trick and I'd been plunged into a furnace after being doused with gasoline.

It would ebb and flow, but mostly it surged. It would climb to a point and then level off, making me think the pain had hit it's peak. But I was wrong. So very wrong. Just when I thought it was done climbing, it would thrust me forward to an even higher plateau of suffering.

My mind shrank back, unwilling to concede to the pain. All sense of myself had disconnected from the now shriveling body. The only thing I could still control was my voice, thankfully. This meant I could control my screaming. I refused to scream, not even the littlest bit. Gasping was tolerable, but the air leaving my lungs was superheated. Dragon-like almost.

In my more coherent moments, Edward's name and face flashed across my thoughts. I clung to it desperately, unwilling to let his perfection slip from my mind. My weak request to hear his voice brought forth the same honey, velvety voice I knew I'd love for the rest of time. My consciousness grasped at his words, letting them distract me from my raging body.

He spoke of so many wonderful things, or at least I think he did. My mind couldn't concentrate on them wholly, but instead heard only the tones. It didn't matter though because just his voice alone was enough to help.

The pain hit another plateau.

Edward stopped talking, but instead the glorious notes of my lullaby were there instead to lull me into unconsciousness. Blackness pulled me under, giving me no option but to give in.

I sunk deeper into the abyss, unaware of all time and place. But the one thing I did feel was pressure. So much pressure. I felt like my body was in a vice grip that was being cranked until it could be turned no more. Surely my bones were turning to dust. There was no way possible my body could withstand this kind of pressure.

Thud … thud … thud.

What was that? That sound was so distant, so drawn out. Was that my own heart beating? But something was wrong. The beats were coming too far apart. Impossibly far apart.

Thud.

Silence.

My last heartbeat. I had died.

I plunged deeper.

Time passed.

Suddenly, everything got so loud. Like the volume control had been turned up to the maximum setting. Every sound imaginable was hitting me with amazing force. I wanted to cover my ears to muffle the sounds, but my arms still felt weighed down. Or held back. I wasn't sure.

And the smells. Oh, god. The smells.

But one smell above all else stood out. The luscious scent that was Edward. I could pick his smell out from thousands, across oceans, over peaks and through valleys. His smell dominated, rising above all others.

"Edward?"

The noise was unfamiliar. It sounded like my voice, but it was more delicate. Sweeter, I think. Like tinkling chimes or plucking harps.

"I'm right here, Bella. I'm right here," came the glorious reply.

Gasping, I shot up and sucked in one large, deep breathe. The pressure was gone and my lungs expanded unnecessarily. The feeling was completely foreign and somewhat unsettling.

At the same time, my eyelids suddenly flew open, revealing Edward's beautiful face. But it was different. Not bad 'different'. Definitely not bad in any way. Every curve, every indent, every detail was crystal clear. Like someone had cranked up the definition and everything was so much clearer.

My senses went into overload. It was so overwhelming to see everything, smell everything, hear everything. If this is what it was like to be a vampire, I would surely go mad in no time.

"Bella!" Edward exclaimed and wrapped me in his strong arms. I squeezed him back, suddenly able to feel every inch of his glorious body in it's total perfection. The most wondrous thing though was that he wasn't cold, hard marble anymore. His body was suddenly soft and supple under my long unused fingers. It responded to my touch, flexing under the pressure of my fingertips.

And he wasn't cold. No, it felt like his temperature had risen considerably.

"You feel like me!" I blurted out.

He didn't respond. He just buried his face in my hair, inhaling my scent. It gave me a chance to enjoy his own luscious scent, making my mouth water. An enhanced sense of smell was a gift at this moment. I wanted nothing more to sit and take him into me. It was that delicious.

I could feel his lips forming into a smile and I drew back from him to see the beautiful sight. Simply gorgeous. I wanted to see him smile every second of every day for the rest of time it was so stunning.

Without thinking, I crashed my lips into his. I devoured him. My body pressed against his, throwing him backwards onto his back on the bed. My lips covered every inch of exposed skin on his face and neck, not settling on any single spot long. I wanted more. I quickly ripped his shirt off and continued onto the smooth planes of his defined chest.

Oh, god. There wasn't enough of him. I couldn't move fast enough.

Edward's head fell back, and he groaned a deep throaty moan. The kind of moan I had only dreamed about for so long. His hands twined through my hair, pulling sharply. If I had been human, he would have ripped it out from the root, but not now with my newfound durability.

But before I could continue on my path to consume every inch of him with my mouth, his strong hands pulled me back up to his face. He kissed me deeply, much deeper than he had every been able to before.

Edward's tongue met my lips, seeking entrance to my mouth. As much as I wished to grant him this, it was my turn. I'd never been allowed in his mouth, and I definitely wanted in. I darted my own tongue out and before he could meet it with his own, it was exploring his mouth. I licked every crevice, every tooth.

Divine. Simply divine. He tasted heavenly.

Edward pulled away suddenly, making me whimper at this loss. His eyes opened and searched for mine.

"Bella, love. As much as I want to continue this, the family wants to see you. They're very anxious," he managed to get out between gasps.

I heard footsteps in the hallway, no longer muffled by the thick carpeting.

I huffed at this, knowing full well that even though I wanted to see them, I wanted Edward more.

"Okay, you're right. Later though? Can we?" my eyes went wide, fishing for the answer I wanted above all else.

Edward leaned in close to my ear and whispered in a deep voice, "Anything, Bella. Anything you want at all."

It was the voice that did it to me. It was always the voice. That deep, velvety voice that was wrapped in sensuality. If I hadn't been on the bed, my legs would have definitely become jelly instantly. Good thing I was on the bed.

The door flew open, revealing our family members.

"Told you the first thing they'd do was go at it. Pay up the 100, Jasper," Emmett's voice boomed with laughter.

Edward growled deep within his chest at his brother.

"Owwww!" Rosalie smacked Emmett on the back of the head hard, making me giggle at the sight.

Emmett's comment had made me painfully aware of our position on the bed, so I climbed off Edward's lap. If I'm sure if could blush, I would have been the shade of a hothouse tomato.

"Bella, dear? How are you doing?" Carlisle's said, his steady voice resonating in the room.

I thought for a second, considering his question. Everything felt okay, but my throat was starting to itch rather uncontrollably. Like a bug had flown in there and was flapping it's wings in an attempt to escape.

"Well, I guess I'm fine. But my throat kind of itches a lot."

"That's the thirst. You need to hunt. Rather quickly too before it becomes overwhelming," he responded.

I nodded, understanding him clearly. I had always wanted to see Edward when he hunted. I'd pictured it a hundred different times, each time more amazing than the last.

"Anything else?" Carlisle asked again.

"Nope, I think that's about it," I said. I stretched my fingers, clenching and unclenching them.

Before I knew what hit me, I was pinned on the bed by someone with feminine arms and shoots of spiky black hair. Alice.

"Bella! This is so exciting! I'm so glad you're okay. I was so worried for you, even though I knew you'd come out fine!" she exclaimed. Her enthusiasm was definitely catching. I couldn't help but grin ear to ear, even with her on top of me.

"Alice? I know you're excited, dear, but Bella really does need to hunt," Carlisle reminded her.

Alice withdrew, embarrassment written on her face.

"We will be downstairs waiting for you two when you're ready," Carlisle said. He turned and left, the rest of the family closely following them before closing the door.

Edward retrieved a pair of jeans and a clean shirt for me from the closet before turning around to let me change. Always the gentleman.

I changed quickly, not wanting to waste any time. The sooner the hunt was over, the sooner we could resume what had been interrupted earlier.

"Ready!" I proclaimed after pulling on a pair of tennis shoes.

Edward pulled on a new shirt, leaving the one I'd torn open lying in a heap on the floor. I smiled, remembering the way his skin had tasted under my tongue. Mouthwatering.

We quickly joined the family downstairs before going outside. Once there, Edward turned to me, tightening his grip on my hand that he held.

"Bella, everybody is going to run ahead and look out for people. You stay close to my side and we'll meet them. Okay?" he asked, his eyes imploring me.

I gulped and nodded. I had never liked running that much, even after I got over my initial queasy response to it.

"Edward, you know where to meet us. Take your time. We'll be all around, making sure it's safe," Carlisle stated.

With that, everybody took off in a blur of motion. They ran off in all directions, flanking us and scouting ahead. I knew what they were scouting for and the thought scared me. This was the unsavory part. The part I feared most.

"Edward, I'm scared. What if I do something horrible, like take off and massacre the entire town?" I gulped.

Edward turned again and pulled me in for a tight hug.

He whispered in my ear, "That's why I'm here. I'd never let you do that. I'd never forgive myself if I let you do that. The whole family is here for you."

Relief washed over me. Edward would keep me safe. I knew that. He'd keep me from doing horrible things. He would never break a promise like that. I was still scared though.

I sighed. "Okay, let's get this over with. I trust you."

"Just start running, love. Then move a little faster. Don't worry; it will come naturally."

Edward held my hand, squeezing it to assure me. We started to run, slowly at first and then gradually increasing our pace.

He was right. It did come naturally. When I had run with Edward before, everything had whizzed by in a blur. Nothing had been distinguishable. But now, I could make out every tree, every branch, every leaf. It was almost as clear as if I was walking. I could hear every sound of the forest. Frogs croaking, birds chirping, leaves rustling. Each sound was separate and distinct.

Around us, I heard the rest of the family running along side us. I made out Rosalie up ahead on the left, Emmett on the right. Alice was on Edward's left and Jasper was staying close to me on my left, probably in case I took off after something more delicious than their normal prey. Carlisle and Esme had swung around behind and were trailing us, pulling up the rear.

Finally we slowed, apparently coming to the place that had been agreed upon.

It was finally time. My first hunt. My first kill.

"Bella, love. I know you're nervous and scared, but it's okay. We're right here," Edward's soothing voice was steady and calmed my nerves. I felt another wave of calm followed by a surge in confidence, probably Jasper's doing.

"Thanks, Jasper," I said.

"No problem. Everything will be fine," he replied timidly.

Edward turned to me again, taking my face between his smooth palms. He looked me right in the eye and I saw crimson ringing the edges of his golden eyes, no doubt from the remnants of my blood.

"Just let your instincts take over. I'll be right here if you need me," he said soothingly.

He let me go, pushing me forward a bit. I turned around to look at him, unsure of what I should do.

"Edward?" I said nervously.

"Just breath in deeply. There's a family of deer around here and I want to see if you can find it."

I turned back and closed my eyes. Breathing in sharply, I smelled it. It was warm and inviting. I could almost taste it already. The itch in my throat roared and turned into a full-fledged burning.

Without realizing it, I was off running to follow the scent. My eyes glazed over and I let my thirst consume me. I saw them before they saw me. Darting around the trees, I pounced on the biggest one, the mother probably.

Swiftly, I wrestled it to the ground, breaking it's neck in the process. I could practically see the neck veins throbbing. I could hear the pulse of it's heart under my sensitive hands. I couldn't last any longer.

I sunk my mouth into it's neck, swallowing hard. The thick, vicious liquid was warm and sticky. Like melting honey, but infinitely better. It ran down my throat, soothing the burning.

I didn't finish drinking until there was nothing left. I wasn't done though, not by far.

The rest of the family of deer had taken off when I'd pounced on the largest one, so I jumped up to follow them. They didn't get far before I found them, taking down two in the process.

Slowly, the burning ebbed. It was still there, but it was tolerable.

Once finished, I stood up and finally acknowledged the grim scene in front of me. If I'd been human, I would have immediately turned around and retched everywhere. Gladly I wasn't because vomiting was one of my least favorite things to do.

Edward caught up with me then, pulling me into another hug. I broke down sobbing against his chest with the realization of what I'd just done. I'd killed innocent animals. I hated the idea, but a part of me knew it was necessary.

"Ssssshh, love. It's alright. It gets better, I promise. And trust me, it's better than the … alternative," he cooed, rubbing my hair.

He let me cry it all out, even if no tears were flowing. Dry sobs worked just as well for this.

The family was drawing up around us in a circle. They kept their distance though, obviously seeing my reaction to my first hunt.

I looked up at Edward's face, still recovering from my sobs.

"C-can we …. can we go home now?" I hiccupped.

"Anything, Bella. Anything."

The run back to the house was quiet; Edward allowing me to process what had just happened.

Once inside the house, Emmett collapsed on the couch sending a reverberation through the floor.

"That was fun! I forgot how much fun newborn hunting was!" he exclaimed, his eyes alight with enjoyment.

I hiccupped again, not fully recovered.

"Emmett! Hush!" Esme scolded him. "Bella, we all understand the first hunt. It's rough for everyone. It's okay, dear. Don't let it get you down." Her soothing voice was gentle.

I nodded before turning to Edward, who was holding my hand tightly next to me.

"Edward, can we go upstairs please?" I said timidly. I wanted to be alone with him. I still needed to get used to the idea of all of this. It was all so much, so fast.

We climbed the stairs slowly, much slower than we probably could. Making our way into our bedroom, Edward closed the door behind us.

I went over and sat on the edge of the bed, fumbling with my hands. They seemed so much stronger than they ever had, so much more capable.

Edward came over to me and kneeled down in front of me. His eyes locked with mine, looking straight into my very being.

"Bella?" he said, sounding scared.

"I'm okay. It's just … a lot to digest at once," I replied.

He sighed in response and pulled my hands into his own. He lifted them to his lips, slowly kissing each of my fingers that were wrapped through his own.

"You know I love you, don't you?" his voice was low and reverent.

"Oh, Edward. Of course I know. And I love you too. So much more than words could ever describe. I just need time. I'll get used to it; I really will."

He looked back up at my face, sadness tugging on the corners of his eyes.

I moved forward and kissed each corner, trying to rid his glorious face of the sadness I knew he felt. Pulling back, I saw his eyes closed and a pleasant smile on his face.

"What?" I asked, curious where his sudden mood swing had come from.

He opened his eyes and they were no longer filled with the sadness from just a moment previous.

"That's the beauty, Bella. We have all the time in the world. We have eternity. Eternity together," he whispered.

I threw myself around him, pressing into his body with all my might.

In that moment, I knew I'd made the right choice. There really had been no other choice. Everything would be alright. Any problem, we would face it head on together. Any struggle, we would overcome together.

Edward was my life; he was my death. He was my past, my present and my future. He was my gift, my husband, my mate. He was my choice, but he was also so much more. The choice was made for me long ago. That very first day in biology and from then on.

He was mine and I was his. For all of eternity.

* * *

**A/N: I know you all want me to continue, but I think I'm going to end the story here. There may be one-shots to follow this, but I feel this particular story is complete. **

**Please review. I love hearing all of your comments! It warms my heart! Thanks so much for the support.  
**


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